A Lot Can Happen In 372 Days

So I have been gone for a very long time. I had to step away due to a social networking clause at my former job. So just to catch anyone out there up to speed.

* I quit my crazy job, I could no longer be out of my integrity.

* While I was at this job I decided that I needed to change and started grad school.

* I am now in my first relationship in over 5 years, going well.

* I have a new career that I love,,,Passion Parties... love it.

I will be back on a more consistent basis, some of the topics will be:

* My path as a pagan

* School

* Healing

* Passion Parties ( reviews of products)

See you all next week

Joye

Things getting better

So I have a job. I forgot, really forgot how important working with children can be. I started today. I only had four hours of sleep and I am hungry and tired but I just want to say thank you all for your support during this time. I have only a few days to keep working on my goal for my house and I am determined to get my goal met. I will be listening to music and burning my incense until Imbolc. I hope all is well.

Take Care,
HWD

Out of Touch/ Finding Faith

I was sick for three days, better now. I hope all of you are well, no worries it was not the flu, only a self inflicted manifestation of stress. As you all know, I have been looking for a job for a long time now. I found one, I will be working at a for- profit child care center, it will be different from non- profit but at least I am working. I start on Monday which will new as well, because I will be taking the bus.

I decided to take the bus- one because I have to, my tags are expired and I need to repair my car, secondly I have a lot of homework to do and I will be able to get my homework done on the way into work everyday. Also I just need time to think and not worry about traffic. So for the first two months I will be busing it until I get my car fixed, then I will see, if it works out, how I want to handle taking the bus once it is not a necessity but a choice. That is the one thing I have learned for all of this, I need choices.

When I left my teaching job I did so when the economy was failing and it took two weeks to find a job. I really wanted to try something different. Teaching was never my goal in life but I am good at it and I love watching children learn. So for almost twenty years I have worked primarily in Early Childhood Education. I have been an advocate for teachers most of that time. But after working as a 1-3 grade teacher and not being qualified,(I have a BA but not a teaching certification). I needed a break and wanted to work on pursuing my art. In comes the record store.

The record store that I worked at is rare and I loved it, but I was at a different phase in my life, just did not see yet. The God and Goddess tend to give me any opportunity I want and it is me who walks away or walks forward with it. After six months and twenty pounds of weight loss I could not survive on minimum wage. Also there was a huge integrity issue happening at the store, which I could not stomach, so I gave my notice.

It was a huge leap of faith, or just stupid but I quit not having another job. I had to put my health first. It has taken thirty days to find a new job. I have learned in the process that... ( list time)

1. I want to work on my faith, it is not as strong as I thought.
2. I have to work at a job, but find my passion through my art.
3. I am definitely going through a midlife crisis, and it is called that for a reason
4. Four years without a relationship is too long, it is making me strange:)
5. Integrity means nothing if you are homeless. ( i am not homeless, just close to it)

So I am back and will be beginning this next phase. It's funny to wake up one day and know that your life, (my life) has been my own creation and I have chosen really odd colors to paint it with. Where the hell is purple when you need it!

Blessed Be,
HWD

New Movies/ Finding my space

So sorry i have not been online I have had sever issues lately. Anyway, I have had many things happening in my life. The life coach program is very interesting and I am gaining a lot of insight about myself. The house cleaning before Imbolic is going well, a few days behind but I am forgiving myself because finding a job has become a strong priority right now.

I watched a old new movie last night and really liked it. Before I say the movie I just want to say that I am learning so much about how closed and judgemental I am with regards to how I have been closed to new things. Movies may seem like a strange way to shift my lack of openness to new experiences but it works. I am learning that there is a lot of enjoyment out there! Nice! So on with the movie!

Be Kind Rewind! Loved it. I cried at the end. So much for thinking I know everything.

I want to say thanks to all of you who continue to check me out and for new folks signing on.

Something New

I have decided to let a friend who is a life coach, coach me! I have no idea what a life coach does:) but I know right now it is what is suppose to happen. I had a reading done for the new year and three areas where addressed

Spiritual Life: Becoming a warrior

Career: working with children/ giving birth to something new

Relationships: working with a woman as a mentor

All of these issues are happening right now. I am learnig to say yes and trust that being a grownup is the only option right now I can become fairly closed off when someone tries to tell me what to do. I will keep you posted on what I will be doing.

Blessings,
HWD

Keeping up

Tonight I will be working on the downstairs area. I am starting in my book room/ creative space. The last two days have been hard. Just staying motivated, is hard. I think the issue is, not having a job right now, and holding the space that one is coming. I am shifting my life, and I feel obstacles in my way. The main one- being myself. I have been doing the work and feeling better each time I do it. So the only thing blocking me emotionally, is me. This is why I am not finishing my room tonight but moving on to my bookshelves, otherwise I don't think I will meet my goal tonight.

The cool thing that happened today is that a letter I wrote myself came today. It has helped me see that I cannot ask anyone to do for me what I am unwilling to do for myself. Change is that and I am changing, so on with it! I hope you all are having a good weekend.

Blessed Be,
HWD

Henna Hair

I finally did it. I was able to put Henna in my hair yesterday. This is not the first time that I put Henna in but it has been over six months since I have done it. Which had me thinking, why is it so hard for me to manage self care? Over the years I have had burst of girly, girl behavior and loved it. But for some reason it never sticks. I don't know if it is self-esteem issues or what, but I fall back on sweats and t-shirts. Not having a job just adds to it. So yesterday, before I started my hour cleaning I put Henna in and left it in over night. The results are great. I love my hair!

I did all this... because I have an interview tomorrow, and I want to put my best forward. One of my awesome girlfriends/ nail tech extraordinaire will do my nails for me before the interview so I will feel in my power.

This process of change is effecting every area of my life and although it feels strange at times, I keep with it. I want this more than anything!

Blog back and let me know how you take care of yourself!

Have a blessed day,
HWD

Feeling Something New

I don't know about you, but I have a very weird thing that happens when I start to become happy. I get anxiety attacks, and start to believe that something catastrophic is about to happen to me. I had this happen today, it was a mixture of awareness, humor and insight.

Yesterday was wonderful, I was excited about my hour cleaning, I spoke with a manatee( 30 Rock reference) that I have for my coven, and I had a great day with my boys. My ex husband gave me flowers and I applied for three jobs online, my best friend stopped by. It felt, (this is important) it felt great!

Then as I went to bed, I began to itch all over and I did not fall to sleep until 3 or 4 this morning. I woke up feeling guilt and like something bad was going to happen. I went to a negative space and was in a lot of fear. I did do my one hour cleaning and fed myself. This helped.

I kept with the ritual part of it; lighting candles, burning incense and playing music. Usually when I am done I feel much better but not today,so I went to divination. I pulled out my Destiny's Portal deck the reading at first odd, something about letting go and spinning a new web, Whatever!!

But as I sat in front of my altar- like a hush, it hit me. I was experiencing happiness that was authentic and real. It scared me. For many reasons, some truly valid, some- not so much! I am guarded with my spirit. But as I reach for this goal for Imbolic, I see myself changing it is hard for me to identify emotions and give them their proper credit in my life.

Happiness that is not based on anything external, that comes from just being, is difficult for me, in the past, I would have done something to fix it or change the feeling, but not today. I sat with it, explored all my options of possibilities, of outcomes and used the tools at my disposal to uncover the issue.

I am changing, my life is changing. As I close doors I need to be mindful and open to new doors that are in front of me and if I feel the fear to stop and breathe and just know it is my right to be happy!! Now that I know what this feeling is, as it comes about in my healing I will not feel the need to squash or sabotage it. Which is something, something big.

Any of you have any new awareness's lately? I would love to hear them.

blessed be,
HWD

New Movies

So last night I watched Juno and really enjoyed it.

But today after a really, weird day, I watched Lars and the Real Girl. I must say it has earned a spot in my top 5 movies. The way that grief is approached by the writers is ingenious and it is a high recommend.

So ratings as follows:

1. Juno :) liked it a lot

2. Lars and The Real Girl :) :) A must see!!

Blessed Day,
HWD

New Movies

So confession time. I watch the same movies over and over again, seriously! I have seen Pride and Prejudice over 400 times! I don't know what it is but I find comfort in the familiar and am scared of the unknown. This year is different I will watch a new movie every week. One that I have never seen and that I can deal with. Genres off my list would be: Horror- hate being scared on purpose. Any movie with gratuitous violence against women or children, learned that with the movie 'Taken', could not sleep for two days. So far I have watched three new movies and loved them, I don't feel qualified to give reviews but will make some type of code to show how I felt about them. I have watched:
1. Be Cool- :) Comedy
2. Idiocracy- :) Comedy
3. You Kill Me- :) Comedy

The next movie I want to watch is, 'This is England' That will be my next Saturday movie.
It is a drama about skin heads in the 1980's. It looks amazing!

I hope by the end of the year to have broadened my horizons by 52 movies that is one a week. I don't watch T.V. so I think two hours a week is cool. Some times it may be more. If you have any suggestions please post a comment I would love to see what is out there.

Have a blessed Day,
HWD

Working on the Process

So Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a safe and peaceful ushering in of the year. For me this not only feels like I am bring in a new year but also some new changes as well, and it seems that the universe is supporting these changes. This last year has brought many challenges I have to the best of my ability, met each challenge as it occurred in my life. And now it is the time for working out the fine details. I have a Spell project I will be doing all year. I have come up with two ideas so far to help me keep my goals on track.

Keeping Silent: This is part of the Four Pillars of spell work and for me, pagan life. i have learned that one needs to learn to keep quiet about whatever workings they may be doing. There are several reasons I have found for this. One, your spell working loses power as you share what it is that you are doing. It is like the energy raised and contained begins to slip out like a balloon that is leaking. The second reason, there may be some even other pagan friends or others, that may not support the change you want to make and will say something to you about it and you may individually begin to doubt yourself. That is the fastest way to lose the power and intent of spell work.

Since I am working on silence, I have decided to share some of the things I can, which leads to my second item:

Sabbat Tree: For each Sabbat I will be decorating a makeshift tree, one of my coven sister's gave me. It is awesome, it is in a wine carafe with long twigs. So I thought for Imbolc I would tie personal accomplishment to it... how it works.

1. Each day I spend one hour working on whatever goal I have ( housecleaning, job hunting, bills, taxes).

2. After I am done I write what I did and how I felt on red ribbon and tie it to the tree.

I am excited to see the results, hopefully by then I will know how to upload pictures to my computer:)

Have a Blessed Day,
HWD

What a day and Happy New Year

Today has been weird. I woke up in a funk, just could not shake it. This seems to be my problem a lot lately, and I am having a hard time shifting the energy. Good things happened today for that I am grateful. One of my coven brothers picked me up and took me to lunch and then we went to our local pagan shop Northern Winds and he did a little shopping. He bought me some Amber resin, which is so uplifting - love it! From there I went to get a food box, yes I said food box. It is hard to admit that I am this broke but I am, I have never been in this place before but I keep trying to be hopeful that the right job, one that I will be a good fit for, will be here soon. Anyway the whole experience was harmless to my soul and I now have food.

My best friend came over with more groceries and we shared a laugh. This is how this day has been. I am very grateful that I have people who are helpful but not trying to rescue me. It gives me hope that others believe that I will be able to lift myself up and be the stronger for it. As this year comes to an end I want to wish all four of you and anyone else out there a very blessed New Year as well as a safe night. As for myself I will be finishing up my bedroom, washing clothes, and doing some spell work tonight to prepare for ritual tomorrow.

Tonight's Goals:

1. Clean bedroom
2. Make herb blend for ritual tomorrow
3. Do spell work
4. Bless my new dream journal and day planners
5. Wash as many loads as possible before midnight
6. Make a pot of tea in my Russian tea pot
7. Take a cleansing bath
8. Get grateful

Until next year; blessings,
HWD

I Get it, already!

So as you know I am cleaning my house. It has taken two days to do my kitchen, which with the size of my house is really way too long. But I am in this for the lessons, which are plenty today. I woke up Saturday to a moldy frig. It was gross!!! I had my electricity go out on one side of the house and had to wait until I had the money to pay for it. I guess my frig with it being closed got a case of the moldy oldies. Anyway that took forever to rectify and get cleaned up. My lessons are so clear, many folks which I love wanted to help me out but I had to say no. Several years ago a friend told me something that has stayed with me forever and now I am applying it to my life. "People can only help you grow so much before you have to become responsible for yourself".

Let me to you, it has taken a long time for this to happen. But as I work with the Sun God and my Warrior Goddesses I am seeing so very clearly that I have to learn how to walk the path. Today has been no exception. The frig was cleaned out and bleached- sorry but when mold is concerned I fall on strong cleaning supplies. I cleaned the rest of the kitchen and set up my altar leaving a space for Hestia, when I can afford to buy a statue. For now I have some wonderful images of her I will put in a frame. All I have left to do is sweep and mop. Then I will bless the space and be set to go.

As I explore the warrior aspect of my self I see so clearly that I have to get my house in order before I can go out and battle whatever causes I am to fight for.

For me the kitchen represents the 1st Chakra and if I am not able to feed myself or my children then I will be of no use to anyone. It is the first step to truly taking care of myself.

In the kitchen I burned my Red Candle, Burned juniper and white sage for music I listened to Billy Holiday on vinyl.

Thanks to all of you that are following me, it gives me support to keep going.

Blessed Be,
HWD

challenging today

I am still in the kitchen and it is challenging. I have so much to do before the new year and I am ready to be done cleaning. I still have two more rooms to do and cleaning of the entire house once they are done. Then two altars to set up (which will make me happy:) then I can begin my spell work for the year. I am ready to put this all behind me and just keep moving forward. I will have some things to share about my path this week as well.

1. Becoming the Warrior
2. The Four Pillars
3. Prosperity

I am hoping all is well
HWD

I am getting ready to clean my kitchen. This is the one area of my house that leads to a lot of stress for me. I don't want to clean it at all this why I am posting it. I do so much comparison with myself and others with regard to house work. and I always come up on the short end of the "better than" stick. I know what I have to do to move myself out of this funk. I have a new vinyl, Silver sun Pickups: Swoon and I will play that as I clean. The living room needs cleaning again. I wish house work was like a long term project with some type of end but it is not and I have to keep moving or my goals will never be reached.

Today I also have to finish my course study of lesson three for my 2nd degree. We are reading, Magickal Connections by: Lisa Mc Sherry. This book is a must read in my personal option for anyone in a coven or thinking of starting one.

The Princess and The Frog

This morning I woke up ready to go see Avatar. I saw the previews and was blown away, but as I scrolled down the last listing of movies was The Princess And The Frog. One of my coven sisters told me it was coming out and I thought why not, it's not everyday a African/American gets to be a princess. Was I surprised!

Growing up I was taught and told that men where no good and only whites could have it all. To my birth families surprise I was later adopted by a white family, but by then my belief systems about my beauty and goals where set. I never understood the importance of fairy tales and how they could relate to my life. Of course with my birth family I read extensively books on, empowerment and fighting the "cause" but never was I allowed to see myself as someone who deserved love just for loves sake. As I grew up, I had my secret shame of "chick flicks" but in contrast,I never realized that they where just grown up versions of the archetype of the young princess, the maiden aspect of the triple goddess.

I cried from start to end and I felt so many things. First being pragmatic, I thought Walt Disney productions did an honest job of telling the truth of race in our country with regards to privilege and social class. Secondly, the story was unique and fun. However, the most important thing that I felt was a sigh of relief that, yes I can be a Princess and that love is possible even if you have nappy hair:)

It may seem like a lot to lay on a movie, but at my age to get the lesson that fantasy is as important as reality was worth it. So as I go about my day I will think and ponder about women my age regardless of race who where never taught or told that they were a princess and wish them as well as myself -faith. I firmly believe with out that aspect of the maiden we will be stumped somehow in our growth. And to tell the truth I am exhausted always running from the thought or even the notion of someone being there for me.

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday, I don't celebrate Christmas, but if you do I hope it is blessed and that you are honoring the maiden part of yourself because she is a Princess.

blessed be,
HWD

Reflection

Okay, the title of this Blog is reflection, but as I sit here only two hours without a job I relize that I might be premature in the title as well as what have I learned. I am very eager to see how all of this plays out. I am at a loss to put into words how low I felt most days going into a store that as a costumer was a place of solice for me.

Off the bat, I know nothing about music history only what I recall from my years playing the Cello. So classical was my strong suit and even that was limited. But I do know the easiest way to break someone down is to tease them for what they do not know, maybe that is the teacher in me but I feel very lost in my power as far as music goes. I see now that knowing music and understanding how to inspire others to appreciate it are two very different things. I will be writing more later. Must go, just wanted to say I am done. But learned a lot.

HWD

Happy Yule

I am learning so much! For now Happy yule!

Happy Yule

Last night well into this early morning I spent time with my coven for Yule. It was amazing. We are a very rare group,I feel anyway. I feel so blessed to spend time with these people. It was a very powerful ritual and I had a personal moment in circle. We needed tapers for the energy work we did and our 1st maiden asked me if I had any,all i had where Shabbat candles that I now use for spell work. I took them with me. girl oh girl was I surprised at the emotions seeing my coven members holding lit candles petitioning for peace. I sobbed like a baby. It was the most spiritual moment i have had in a long time.
I wish you all a peaceful a glorious Yule!