If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

This is just something I need to remind myself everyday!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What is going on

So yesterday at the job I currently have I began a conversation with one of the co-workers about myself and why am I single. He said he believed me to be single because I was too closed off. I felt like it could be true, but I know that the place in which I work is so toxic for me(I stress me alone, because others don't have my perception) that I ground and shield everyday to just be able to go to work. Anyway I thought about what he said and then allowed myself to be open. This openness came in the form of letting a friend help me but at lest I am starting.

The night was good and she bought me dinner and gave me two wonderful gifts that are needed. I started to feel guilt and shame at being my age and not being able to take care of myself, however in her usual style she made an off color comment that made me laugh and get out of myself. It was not the buying of stuff it was the spending time and allowing someone to care for me knowing that i can never pay it back and that I did not have to shift who I was to be in there presence.


I went to work and felt horrible. I have never been any place that I just felt like my being who I am is a disservice. I am exhausted just protecting and shielding myself, however this job has taught me great lessons So here's another list.

1. There is nothing noble in poverty

2. Not all men are bad, but just because they are adequate does not mean they get me.

3. Women with emotional wounds can be very scary.

4. I love music, even if it isn't cool.

5. Being smart is okay.

6. Having a diverse belief and value system is powerful and a blessing.

7. Taking a risk is the bravest thing I could ever do.

8. It's okay to say no more, and leave.

9. Sometimes you meet the most amazing people when you are not looking.

10. What comes around goes around in the most unusual way.

Blessings until tomorrow

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