If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

This is just something I need to remind myself everyday!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Living Room Done

So I finished the living room yesterday.I am proud of myself ( I have to acknowledge my growth no matter how small) I had only a small part of it to do, but that seems to be my hang up; follow through. I have this ability to get most of the way done with something and then just quit it. I do believe that this is changing, I have lived a certain way for many years, and I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't know if it is too late, I would like to think not. I think and believe that a person can have many chances to adjust, fix, or alter a belief that is held from a place of hurt.

Yesterday was good, I played two vinyls while I cleaned: Journey: Escape & New Order: Lo-Life. When I was done I swept again and then began to bless the room I did this as follows: I started in the South going doesil blessing each window by making a banishing pentagram and putting rosemary oil on each corner of the window frame( I only used a small bit from my finger) I did this to all the windows plus the door.

Next I faced east and began to claim the room as safe and blessed. The energy feels better to me today. I have to start another room which one I don't know, they all need it. I have to keep positive, and truly test my belief about change: Which is, that in order to change something, one must first understand what it is that needs to be changed, and how this change will impact their life on every level.

Have a blessed day,
HWD

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What is going on

So yesterday at the job I currently have I began a conversation with one of the co-workers about myself and why am I single. He said he believed me to be single because I was too closed off. I felt like it could be true, but I know that the place in which I work is so toxic for me(I stress me alone, because others don't have my perception) that I ground and shield everyday to just be able to go to work. Anyway I thought about what he said and then allowed myself to be open. This openness came in the form of letting a friend help me but at lest I am starting.

The night was good and she bought me dinner and gave me two wonderful gifts that are needed. I started to feel guilt and shame at being my age and not being able to take care of myself, however in her usual style she made an off color comment that made me laugh and get out of myself. It was not the buying of stuff it was the spending time and allowing someone to care for me knowing that i can never pay it back and that I did not have to shift who I was to be in there presence.


SO TODAY:

I went to work and felt horrible. I have never been any place that I just felt like my being who I am is a disservice. I am exhausted just protecting and shielding myself, however this job has taught me great lessons So here's another list.

1. There is nothing noble in poverty

2. Not all men are bad, but just because they are adequate does not mean they get me.

3. Women with emotional wounds can be very scary.

4. I love music, even if it isn't cool.

5. Being smart is okay.

6. Having a diverse belief and value system is powerful and a blessing.

7. Taking a risk is the bravest thing I could ever do.

8. It's okay to say no more, and leave.

9. Sometimes you meet the most amazing people when you are not looking.

10. What comes around goes around in the most unusual way.

Blessings until tomorrow

Sunday, December 13, 2009

So I am almost done with my living room and it looks good so far. I only have one table to clean then I am done. To be honest I did not want to do it at all today. It is a strange thing when I have to be alone. I tend to hide in my room, but because I feel a sense of accountability to following through with this I did something. I also cleaned out my freezer today which was awful. But I found I have tons of candles and that is good. As I go through this there are several things I am grateful for.

1. I have no significant other to judge me or rescue me.
2. I am willing to face myself as I am
3. I see how much I love my house
4. I know that this to will pass

See you later,

herbal witch dancing

Vision board




Although, no! I am not going to justify this vision board. It has many of the things I love and it speaks of timeless beauty, part of what I am learning is to be okay with me:)

I started the process

I have began the process of cleaning up my emotional as well as physical mess. I started in the living room I wanted the 2ND night of Hanukkah to be normal. I burned and awesome mixed CD of Pagan music. And I set off to work. It was okay. I stopped to have dinner and the kids and I had pizza and did our black sock night. Black Sock Night comes from a really old SNL skit in which Santa has the flu and has to call on Hanukkah Harry to deliver gifts.It is a family tradition ,even though I am no longer practicing Judaism my kids are still Jewish. As far as the cleaning goes, I will get back to it as soon as I finish this entry. Today is the frig, I still have two shelves in the living room to finish but I have to do my frig before something like a strange SCI-FI/Horror film moment happens in it. The process will be the same.

Shout out to my first follower: Thanks for looking me up

Today I will hopefully have two post. I really am working with energy and the magic of change. I want to chronicle this process, in case anyone else has this issue and needs support.
See you later