If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

This is just something I need to remind myself everyday!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

What a day and Happy New Year

Today has been weird. I woke up in a funk, just could not shake it. This seems to be my problem a lot lately, and I am having a hard time shifting the energy. Good things happened today for that I am grateful. One of my coven brothers picked me up and took me to lunch and then we went to our local pagan shop Northern Winds and he did a little shopping. He bought me some Amber resin, which is so uplifting - love it! From there I went to get a food box, yes I said food box. It is hard to admit that I am this broke but I am, I have never been in this place before but I keep trying to be hopeful that the right job, one that I will be a good fit for, will be here soon. Anyway the whole experience was harmless to my soul and I now have food.

My best friend came over with more groceries and we shared a laugh. This is how this day has been. I am very grateful that I have people who are helpful but not trying to rescue me. It gives me hope that others believe that I will be able to lift myself up and be the stronger for it. As this year comes to an end I want to wish all four of you and anyone else out there a very blessed New Year as well as a safe night. As for myself I will be finishing up my bedroom, washing clothes, and doing some spell work tonight to prepare for ritual tomorrow.

Tonight's Goals:

1. Clean bedroom
2. Make herb blend for ritual tomorrow
3. Do spell work
4. Bless my new dream journal and day planners
5. Wash as many loads as possible before midnight
6. Make a pot of tea in my Russian tea pot
7. Take a cleansing bath
8. Get grateful

Until next year; blessings,
HWD

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Find me on Polyvore

I Get it, already!

So as you know I am cleaning my house. It has taken two days to do my kitchen, which with the size of my house is really way too long. But I am in this for the lessons, which are plenty today. I woke up Saturday to a moldy frig. It was gross!!! I had my electricity go out on one side of the house and had to wait until I had the money to pay for it. I guess my frig with it being closed got a case of the moldy oldies. Anyway that took forever to rectify and get cleaned up. My lessons are so clear, many folks which I love wanted to help me out but I had to say no. Several years ago a friend told me something that has stayed with me forever and now I am applying it to my life. "People can only help you grow so much before you have to become responsible for yourself".

Let me to you, it has taken a long time for this to happen. But as I work with the Sun God and my Warrior Goddesses I am seeing so very clearly that I have to learn how to walk the path. Today has been no exception. The frig was cleaned out and bleached- sorry but when mold is concerned I fall on strong cleaning supplies. I cleaned the rest of the kitchen and set up my altar leaving a space for Hestia, when I can afford to buy a statue. For now I have some wonderful images of her I will put in a frame. All I have left to do is sweep and mop. Then I will bless the space and be set to go.

As I explore the warrior aspect of my self I see so clearly that I have to get my house in order before I can go out and battle whatever causes I am to fight for.

For me the kitchen represents the 1st Chakra and if I am not able to feed myself or my children then I will be of no use to anyone. It is the first step to truly taking care of myself.

In the kitchen I burned my Red Candle, Burned juniper and white sage for music I listened to Billy Holiday on vinyl.

Thanks to all of you that are following me, it gives me support to keep going.

Blessed Be,
HWD

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

challenging today

I am still in the kitchen and it is challenging. I have so much to do before the new year and I am ready to be done cleaning. I still have two more rooms to do and cleaning of the entire house once they are done. Then two altars to set up (which will make me happy:) then I can begin my spell work for the year. I am ready to put this all behind me and just keep moving forward. I will have some things to share about my path this week as well.

1. Becoming the Warrior
2. The Four Pillars
3. Prosperity

I am hoping all is well
HWD

Saturday, December 26, 2009

I am getting ready to clean my kitchen. This is the one area of my house that leads to a lot of stress for me. I don't want to clean it at all this why I am posting it. I do so much comparison with myself and others with regard to house work. and I always come up on the short end of the "better than" stick. I know what I have to do to move myself out of this funk. I have a new vinyl, Silver sun Pickups: Swoon and I will play that as I clean. The living room needs cleaning again. I wish house work was like a long term project with some type of end but it is not and I have to keep moving or my goals will never be reached.

Today I also have to finish my course study of lesson three for my 2nd degree. We are reading, Magickal Connections by: Lisa Mc Sherry. This book is a must read in my personal option for anyone in a coven or thinking of starting one.

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Princess and The Frog

This morning I woke up ready to go see Avatar. I saw the previews and was blown away, but as I scrolled down the last listing of movies was The Princess And The Frog. One of my coven sisters told me it was coming out and I thought why not, it's not everyday a African/American gets to be a princess. Was I surprised!

Growing up I was taught and told that men where no good and only whites could have it all. To my birth families surprise I was later adopted by a white family, but by then my belief systems about my beauty and goals where set. I never understood the importance of fairy tales and how they could relate to my life. Of course with my birth family I read extensively books on, empowerment and fighting the "cause" but never was I allowed to see myself as someone who deserved love just for loves sake. As I grew up, I had my secret shame of "chick flicks" but in contrast,I never realized that they where just grown up versions of the archetype of the young princess, the maiden aspect of the triple goddess.

I cried from start to end and I felt so many things. First being pragmatic, I thought Walt Disney productions did an honest job of telling the truth of race in our country with regards to privilege and social class. Secondly, the story was unique and fun. However, the most important thing that I felt was a sigh of relief that, yes I can be a Princess and that love is possible even if you have nappy hair:)

It may seem like a lot to lay on a movie, but at my age to get the lesson that fantasy is as important as reality was worth it. So as I go about my day I will think and ponder about women my age regardless of race who where never taught or told that they were a princess and wish them as well as myself -faith. I firmly believe with out that aspect of the maiden we will be stumped somehow in our growth. And to tell the truth I am exhausted always running from the thought or even the notion of someone being there for me.

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday, I don't celebrate Christmas, but if you do I hope it is blessed and that you are honoring the maiden part of yourself because she is a Princess.

blessed be,
HWD

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Reflection

Okay, the title of this Blog is reflection, but as I sit here only two hours without a job I relize that I might be premature in the title as well as what have I learned. I am very eager to see how all of this plays out. I am at a loss to put into words how low I felt most days going into a store that as a costumer was a place of solice for me.

Off the bat, I know nothing about music history only what I recall from my years playing the Cello. So classical was my strong suit and even that was limited. But I do know the easiest way to break someone down is to tease them for what they do not know, maybe that is the teacher in me but I feel very lost in my power as far as music goes. I see now that knowing music and understanding how to inspire others to appreciate it are two very different things. I will be writing more later. Must go, just wanted to say I am done. But learned a lot.

HWD

Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy Yule

I am learning so much! For now Happy yule!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Happy Yule

Last night well into this early morning I spent time with my coven for Yule. It was amazing. We are a very rare group,I feel anyway. I feel so blessed to spend time with these people. It was a very powerful ritual and I had a personal moment in circle. We needed tapers for the energy work we did and our 1st maiden asked me if I had any,all i had where Shabbat candles that I now use for spell work. I took them with me. girl oh girl was I surprised at the emotions seeing my coven members holding lit candles petitioning for peace. I sobbed like a baby. It was the most spiritual moment i have had in a long time.
I wish you all a peaceful a glorious Yule!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Living Room Done

So I finished the living room yesterday.I am proud of myself ( I have to acknowledge my growth no matter how small) I had only a small part of it to do, but that seems to be my hang up; follow through. I have this ability to get most of the way done with something and then just quit it. I do believe that this is changing, I have lived a certain way for many years, and I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't know if it is too late, I would like to think not. I think and believe that a person can have many chances to adjust, fix, or alter a belief that is held from a place of hurt.

Yesterday was good, I played two vinyls while I cleaned: Journey: Escape & New Order: Lo-Life. When I was done I swept again and then began to bless the room I did this as follows: I started in the South going doesil blessing each window by making a banishing pentagram and putting rosemary oil on each corner of the window frame( I only used a small bit from my finger) I did this to all the windows plus the door.

Next I faced east and began to claim the room as safe and blessed. The energy feels better to me today. I have to start another room which one I don't know, they all need it. I have to keep positive, and truly test my belief about change: Which is, that in order to change something, one must first understand what it is that needs to be changed, and how this change will impact their life on every level.

Have a blessed day,
HWD

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What is going on

So yesterday at the job I currently have I began a conversation with one of the co-workers about myself and why am I single. He said he believed me to be single because I was too closed off. I felt like it could be true, but I know that the place in which I work is so toxic for me(I stress me alone, because others don't have my perception) that I ground and shield everyday to just be able to go to work. Anyway I thought about what he said and then allowed myself to be open. This openness came in the form of letting a friend help me but at lest I am starting.

The night was good and she bought me dinner and gave me two wonderful gifts that are needed. I started to feel guilt and shame at being my age and not being able to take care of myself, however in her usual style she made an off color comment that made me laugh and get out of myself. It was not the buying of stuff it was the spending time and allowing someone to care for me knowing that i can never pay it back and that I did not have to shift who I was to be in there presence.


SO TODAY:

I went to work and felt horrible. I have never been any place that I just felt like my being who I am is a disservice. I am exhausted just protecting and shielding myself, however this job has taught me great lessons So here's another list.

1. There is nothing noble in poverty

2. Not all men are bad, but just because they are adequate does not mean they get me.

3. Women with emotional wounds can be very scary.

4. I love music, even if it isn't cool.

5. Being smart is okay.

6. Having a diverse belief and value system is powerful and a blessing.

7. Taking a risk is the bravest thing I could ever do.

8. It's okay to say no more, and leave.

9. Sometimes you meet the most amazing people when you are not looking.

10. What comes around goes around in the most unusual way.

Blessings until tomorrow

Sunday, December 13, 2009

So I am almost done with my living room and it looks good so far. I only have one table to clean then I am done. To be honest I did not want to do it at all today. It is a strange thing when I have to be alone. I tend to hide in my room, but because I feel a sense of accountability to following through with this I did something. I also cleaned out my freezer today which was awful. But I found I have tons of candles and that is good. As I go through this there are several things I am grateful for.

1. I have no significant other to judge me or rescue me.
2. I am willing to face myself as I am
3. I see how much I love my house
4. I know that this to will pass

See you later,

herbal witch dancing

Vision board




Although, no! I am not going to justify this vision board. It has many of the things I love and it speaks of timeless beauty, part of what I am learning is to be okay with me:)

I started the process

I have began the process of cleaning up my emotional as well as physical mess. I started in the living room I wanted the 2ND night of Hanukkah to be normal. I burned and awesome mixed CD of Pagan music. And I set off to work. It was okay. I stopped to have dinner and the kids and I had pizza and did our black sock night. Black Sock Night comes from a really old SNL skit in which Santa has the flu and has to call on Hanukkah Harry to deliver gifts.It is a family tradition ,even though I am no longer practicing Judaism my kids are still Jewish. As far as the cleaning goes, I will get back to it as soon as I finish this entry. Today is the frig, I still have two shelves in the living room to finish but I have to do my frig before something like a strange SCI-FI/Horror film moment happens in it. The process will be the same.

Shout out to my first follower: Thanks for looking me up

Today I will hopefully have two post. I really am working with energy and the magic of change. I want to chronicle this process, in case anyone else has this issue and needs support.
See you later

Saturday, December 12, 2009

This will be short, maybe -I am beginning the energy shift. My life is in a funk and I have to find a way to climb out of it. So I am cleaning, putting some music on the old I pod ( it is truly old it is a mini)! And starting in the living room. I wont be posting pictures for it because if anyone saw it they would have to take me away. The reason for this is that many years ago I was called Martha Stewart by those near and dear to me and now I live like a bad episode of COPS.

The reasons are too numerous to explain but I have them and I want to shift them. One of the issues I have is cleaning makes me angry, again I have a reason for this. Once I get a job I will be paying my therapist soo much money, until then magic. I have come up with a way to deal with my anger using the tools of the spirit.

1. light incense - one that will be used as I do each room. I am using one that is a blend for Isis. I will burn it on the charcoal.

2. Eat- I tend to be in better spirits with food in my belly, and since I have been starving do to lack of funds I understand now how hunger can really screw with your reality.

3. Play festive music - Pagan or anything that makes me smile. Also I have a vinyl player so I can put on tons of oldies but goodies.

4. Have my boys help- give them each five chores to do and then leave them alone when they have finished them.

5. Supplies, supplies supplies,- Have everything I need to clean in one place

6. Move whindershins- change the energy on way and bless it the other way.

7. burn on candle to use for the whole house - This is a red house blessing candle as I clean each room it will go with me.

8. Make peace with my flipping gnomes- Have issues with these guys but it is time to meet at NATO

Friday, December 11, 2009

Charter for Compassion

Charter for Compassion

Things getting better

So as I write this I am sitting at home. The kids just opened their first night of Hanukkah gifts and I am less stressed. This last week I blew a fuse to my house so I am without electricity in one part of the house. I was in my woes big time. To top it off my phone just decided to stop working so for one week I was without a phone, all this while trying to apply for jobs. Then something amazing happened; I started to work with the Sun God and bring more masculine energy into my life and surprise, surprise life began to get lighter, really! I see more than ever that I have to allow more light into my Scorpio nature.

I started working with the sun when I realized that I was drawing too much water and moon into my magic. I believe that Dorothy Morrison's book: Everyday Sun Magic (which sat on my shelf for over a year), has been most helpful in pulling me out of my funk. Also the tremendous support of my coven brothers and sisters has been indispensable in helping me see I am not alone. Gratitude is the most powerful magic right now as I face so many changes in learning at the right old age of 43 how to grow- up.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Yule Truffles

Okay, this recipe was part of an annual holiday cooking I did with my friend. I hope you enjoy them.
See full size image


1/2 cup half and half
1/4 cup heavy (whipping) cream
3/4 lb imported bittersweet chocolate,finely chopped
4 tablespoons ( 1 1/2 stick ) unsalted butter softened and cut into pieces
1/2 cup grated imported chocolate for coating
1/2 cup dutch chocolate for coating
1/2 cup finely chopped nuts for coating

In a 2- quart saucepan, combine the milk and heavy cream and heat until boiling. Remove the pan from the heat and immediately whisk in the chopped chocolate and butter until melted. Stir until completely smooth with a wooden spoon, but don't let the mixture form bubbles. Pour onto a baking sheet covered with parchment. refrigerate overnight or for 6 hours, until completely firm.

Making the Truffles: Take the chilled pan out of the frig and shape the the truffles with a melon baller into rough balls about 3/4 inch in diameter. Place balls on cookie sheet lined with wax paper, place in freezer for 30 mins, so that they are firm to handle without melting from the heat of your hands. Place the coatings on separate plates and roll balls in coating. Return to wax paper and refrigerate. They will keep up to two weeks. Enjoy!

Blogging what an idea!!!

So since the storm I have been thinking about my life and all of the things as a woman of the world I need to be taking care of. I have so much to learn. Like how to Blog, meaning setting up my account and designing my page. I am fairly illiterate when it comes to computers and I am seeing that this is holding me back. So what are some things I will be blogging about in the future, let's see...

1. Cleaning my home
2. Finally having the magical tools to heal
3. Magical makeup
4. SGB (Single Girl Behavior)
5. SMB ( Single Mom Behavior)

This list is to keep me on track, hopefully

Monday, December 7, 2009

Making the change I want to be

So it is storming outside and todat is the first day I have felt the change that I had asked Isis for earlier this year. I have other things to say but first I must get moving. one of the things that I realize is that being a witch/wiccan is about constant change and growth. Sometimes I can keep up with the growth and other times I have to let it go until I CAN CATCH UP! More on that later.